When we think about creating good boundaries, most of us have an idea that “strong” boundaries are fixed boundaries - this idea is woven into the mainstream culture, a sense that who we are is mostly static and so things that we like stay that way, things that we don’t like stay that way. But this type of boundary can become stale and flat over time, a rote answer to life instead of a fluid, flexible, living relationship with who we are, what life means to us, where we fit in the world in a given moment.
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Serpents shed their skin and so are also a sign of metamorphosis. If we can use our skills of witnessing/detachment, this time period is actually very potent for transformation of how we give and receive love. We can go through a kind of rebirth within our relationships right now.
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Getting intimate with someone involves also getting intimate with their wounds, their fears, insecurities, and triggers. Learning day by day how a new love interest operates and handles life is a learning - and loving - curve. Can you handle what comes up for them gracefully? Do you become irritated or resentful when their issues arise? Can you stay warm towards them even when they aren’t at their best?
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Yet if you hold a deeper intention for yourself in relationship, if you want to create something that is real, alive, and honest with a partner, looking at your expectations and how you use them to hold yourself apart is so important.
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The repetitive cycle we attract in relationship shows an imbalance in us, a way that we value one aspect of life over others.
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Once upon a time, I was trying so hard to make a relationship work. It was a long distance thing and there was so much chemistry and connection, yet when we were apart it would fizzle out. Talking on the phone started to feel strained, and I felt myself trying too hard to keep the connection going. That’s when my healer at the time said to me, “If you have to grasp it, it was never yours...”
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Have you noticed that the farther you walk on the path, the more individuated your preferences, needs, and desires become? A beloved mentor of mine talks about this often, that the more you become who you are, the more unique your path looks...
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There’s no doubt about it. Breakups are deeply unsettling, evoking feelings of rawness, grief, discomfort, even existential terror. All of us long for a feeling of protection in life. The old relationship energy we were in, even if it was unhappy or unhealthy, was familiar!…
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When we have a sense of where we want to go in relationship, health, work, etc, these deep inner goals become the long view of our life. They are the important things that we are making steps towards. When we hold them in our hearts & minds, these things tend to manifest.…
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I always knew that I wanted to be in love, but I didn’t always know that I was deserving of love & could actually have it.
Let me tell you a story, about myself. Before I was with John, I went through some pretty harrowing times in partnership.…
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It’s not your fault that a difficult, abusive person came into your life. Abusive people happen. It’s unfortunate, but they do. Why abusive people came to be and what makes them behave so badly is a topic for another blog! Compassion for them is for another day as well.…
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In my healing practice I work with many conscious people who are looking to attract healthy relationships into their lives. They tend to instead attract repetitive dynamics that create confusion, sorrow, heartache, and painful endings. In virtually every one of these clients of mine, I notice some distortions in the use of their spiritual energy.…
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