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Nina Handwerk: Brennan Healing Science Practitioner

If You Have to Grasp it, it Was Never Yours

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Once upon a time, I was trying so hard to make a relationship work. It was a long distance thing and there was so much chemistry and connection, yet when we were apart it would fizzle out. Talking on the phone started to feel strained, and I felt myself trying too hard to keep the connection going. That’s when my healer at the time said to me, “If you have to grasp it, it was never yours.” We talked further about life as a river flowing through you, and that what is meant to be yours will naturally gravitate to you without much strain and effort. I took this to heart and it gave me the courage to walk away from something that held so much promise, yet in reality just wasn’t flowing. 

I have learned that only when we are free of the attachment to something can we really determine if it is right for us. If we keep trying to force it, we will never really know what was meant to be. If on the other hand we find the inner willingness to let it go, yet it keeps gravitating towards us, then perhaps it is meant for us.

We are told over and over that relationships take SO much work…yet, what if that is partly a misunderstanding? What if the right relationship is more natural, less strain, more flow? What if it is simply the joining of two streams that were already flowing in the same direction of their own volition? What if the effort required and the changes we make for the relationship are ultimately what we need as a soul, anyway? In this way, the so-called hard work within spiritual partnership is really more of a joyful practice than a sacrifice or a burden.

In a world full of complication, stress, and pain, can you hold your relationship a little less tightly, demand a little less of it? Can you enjoy it, as though there were nothing wrong with it? If you’re not in a relationship yet wish to be in one, can you relax and enjoy the fullness of your own river, feel your own flow, and trust that a compatible stream will be converging anytime now? If you’re trapped in a relationship that weighs heavy on your heart and soul, can you let it go and trust that your own flow will bring you something far more refreshing and life-affirming?

We grasp and hold tightly for many reasons: fear of being alone, lack of self esteem, lack of belief in ourselves, lack of belief in life. If you haven’t taken time to develop your own flow and fullness, you’ll always feel that you need something else, someone else, in order to reach the feeling of “I am enough.” “I am OK.”  “My life matters.” When it comes time to accept that something isn’t working anymore, you’ll blame yourself, rather than accepting that it wasn’t meant to last. 

If you’re upset with the prospects or lack of prospects you’re attracting, take a look at your own flow. Is it as full as it could be? Are you really enjoying life? Are you happy with your contributions to the world? Have you worked through the ways that you, personally grasp at what doesn’t work for you out of fear, tension, suppression, or fixation? Are you in touch with your innate, divine enoughness? Can you feel that your natural flow is happiness and fulfillment, not stress and strain? Can you feel that Spirit is rooting for your happiness?

If yes, then all there is left to do is surrender to divine timing. And I don’t just mean “wait it out.” I mean surrender. Actually let your deep desire for fulfilling love be taken into the hands of whatever divine you believe in. As my friend Ali famously put it: “SUR-FUKEN-RENDER!” LOL. She even made shirts that said that across the chest. I think she was highlighting how letting go and trusting our life’s higher purpose is not always our first impulse! Yet as long as you grasp the unfolding of life too tightly in your hands and squish the flow with your own demands and expectations, you will experience the suffering of never knowing what was meant to be all along. 

Are you tired of feeling stuck in relationships that don’t lead to joy, spiritual growth, and fulfillment? To learn more about how I help conscious people like you get out of repetitive patterns that keep you from manifesting the amazing love you truly long to experience with another, click here: to apply for a free clarity session!

Photo by Paul Bica
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Nina Handwerk: Brennan Healing Science Practitioner